Joba Shooting for July Return

Real good news out of Yankees Land this morning.  Joba Chamberlain is being told by doctors he could be back as early as July.  July 2012 that is.  As in, this season.  It's been such a tough 24 hours for this guy, I don't even know where to begin.  Just last week he was tweeting up a storm about being a father, and was crushing beers at the Rangers game while being well on his way back to a full recovery from Tommy John.  Then the fluke accident and everyone is writing that his career is over.  Looks like that may not be the case.  I really hope he can pull it off.  He certainly has the right attitude and mindset to make it happen. 

PS - This picture gives me the chills.  This guy knows how to get fired up and I love it.  Pure heart.  Get Well Soon Joba Chamberlain.

Twins Feared Yanks in 2000s : What Else is New?

First, It's a total fucking joke to rip your old team like this,  but a couple of has-beens talking about being intimidated and trying to justify their failure to beat the Yankees in the mid 2000s is not that big a deal.  We won - get over it.  Revelations like this are par for the course in my mind and they're the God Damn Yankees for a reason. I'm actually surprised you don't hear things like this more often.  Obviously, it sucks for anyone to have to face the only team on earth that publicly declares season's without Championship trophies as failures. At the end of the day, you're basically a second class citizen if you're not playing for the Steinbrenners. Toss in the most ruthless, unrelenting fans on the planet, and of course weaker, lesser talented beings are intimidated.  Hunter was good, Cuddyer was average, and they're just two players who never came close to getting a look from Cash and Co. No doubt there's a long list of players out there who have said or thought the exact same thing.  Fact:  Everyone who puts a premium on winning wants to be a Yankee and everyone else should just be happy when they make the playoffs and get their asses handed to them in the House that Ruth built.

Friday Yankees Wrap Up

What a Fuckin Day.  No doubt just last night the Yankees were laughing their asses off when getting on the bus and watching Sideshow Bobby V. bitch and moan to the umps.  Girardi was definitely smiling for the first time in forever for straight up playing the Sox manager and organization.  Seriously, what a perfect thing to do to a team that's dying for attention and a coach who just wants to see his name in headlines.  Just end the game in a tie and go home.  Bravo Joe.  Pure Genius.  I bet that was a fun bus ride.

Then this morning news breaks about Joba's ankle.  I'm hearing he busted it up at  a Bounce U.  Apparently a harmless afternoon at some place akin to my time's Discovery Zone and Chucky Cheese instantaneously turned lethal for the big fella. Just like that, our favorite embattled Nebraskan goes down in a place where not even suicidal Mets and Jets fans are supposed to be able to hurt themselves.   Dumb?  Absofuckinglutely.  Unfortunate?  No Doubt.  But the show must go on. 

And finally, El Capitan got a hit in his first AB back in in action.  Kuroda didn't shit the bed and the Yanks pulled off a win while in Red Sox land, Bobby Jenks pulled off a DUI.  On top of it, he left at the scene of the crime trying to get his fat ass away scott-free.  Makes Joba's stupidity look at least morally reasonable.  Not really, but still...

PS - Finding pictures of Joe Girardi laughing/smiling/looking happy in general is nearly impossible.  Loosen up bro.  Its Friday.

Side Show Bobby Runs Mouth : Granderson Uses Legs

It should have been a completely uneventful spring training game between the Red Sox and Yankees.  Just a typical battle to see who could put the most players on the field with #s on their uni's higher than 60.  But no, Bobby Valentine had to make it about him.  Side Show Bobby tried to call out the Yankees for calling the game a tie after a full 9 innings.  The only reason it was tied in the first place was because he called a suicide squeeze in the bottom of the ninth to pull even.  Instead of focusing on the safety of his players, Bobby clearly is focused on getting his win #1 against the Yankees in a meaningless game.  Someone really needs to put a muzzle on this guy.  Personally, I'm looking forward to him providing enough content to last 2 years.  The season hasn't even started and I've mentioned his dog and pony show twice now.

In other news, Curtis Granderson is on a tear.  Doing charity work and appearances by day, smiling and tearing the cover off the ball by night.  His spring average is .394.  .394!  People say he should regress on last year but I'm saying now he's going to light it up.  Also heard last night he's something like 50/1 to win the AL MVP.  I'll take that bet any day.

Victor Cruz Madden Cover? Just Say No

Someone needs to explain to me why we want Victor Cruz on the cover of Madden.  Seriously, how is that a good idea?  What good does it do for the team and for Victor Cruz?  Now unless they roll out a Touchdown Dance button that immediately results in a 15 yard penalty and a call from the Commissioner’s office shutting down your Xbox for 3 days, this is just not worth it.  I don’t believe in curses.  I believe in the truth.  In this case, it is notoriously bad for players to be on the cover of Madden.  Shit, it literally almost drove Peyton Hillis to the CIA last year after he missed half the season and ruined everyone’s fantasy football teams.  Every single year guys say "I dont believe in curses, would love to represent Madden."  Then they're on the PUP list before the end of pre-season.  Just do every Giant fan a favor and start the write in vote for he-who-shall-never-be-named over on the JETS.  I hear they are looking for some publicity.

Back to Actual News : Girardi Loves Hughes Outing

So I've been bashing Phil Hughes all week.  Despite giving up one bomb that still hasn't entered the atmosphere, he had a solid outing tonight.  Big Joe G. called Phil's approach so far this year 'Night and Day' and said 'He's a different person' in comparison to last year.  Well he damn well better be!  Overall, a good spring training outing for him.  Looks like Freddie might be on the block or Pineda could be working out of AAA for a couple months given that Andy had such a good pen session yesterday.  I myself can not wait for the first 'LETS GO YANKEES' chant in the Bronx. 

Official Promise to Never Mention Tebow Again

This is an official proclamation.  I will never write about Tim Tebow again on this blog.  He's officially banished to 150 characters or less.  Twitter or nothing Tebow.  That's it.  This guy has accomplished so little in his professional career, yet he trends as if Biebs just knocked up Octomom. I'm done.   I don't care if he takes over for Mark Sanchez and convinces Rex Ryan to lose 272 pounds. Nothing.  If he wins the Super Bowl and loses his virginity to Gronk's future fiance?  No comment.  Tim Tebow establishes a website to heal those with foot fetishes and leverages coach as client #1?  Nothing to say about that.  This could go on forever, just like the guaranteed number of comical back page NY Post articles the Jets just purchased from Denver.  John Elway is definitely laughing this success to the bank.  He literally pulled off the only thing humanly possible to end Tebow-mania and the Jets naturally gobbled it right up. Got a couple draft picks out of it as well.  If it takes a 4 time MVP to slay Tebow in Denver.  So be it.  Amen Timmy.

Jets Pursue Tebow : Confirm they want Losing Record in 2012

File this one under ‘Dumbass Ideas’.  The Jets pursuit of Timmy Touchdown is legit and gaining steam.  I think the Jets want to lose.  Everyone's got a friend that gambles relentlessly and never knows when to fold em when he’s down.  He starts to scramble, ends up in the hole, and usually asks to borrow some money.  GM Mike Tannenbaum is 100% that guy.  He must be throwing darts at the free agent board in his office right now because obviously he has no Goddamn clue what he is doing.  First, the Peyton drama, then the extension for Sanchez, and now he wants to run the wildcat formation with Sparano at the helm.  How’d that offense really work out in Miami with faster, more capable people?  Terrible that’s how.  What makes it even more laughable, the Jets are actually considering TRADING for him.  As in, give up someone else who might actually be talented and fit a position in the NFL.  I don’t even understand how the Jets front office stays employed.  Jets players are already furious on twitter, which is a whole different issue, and my guess is that will continue for the next couple days.

Honestly, just end this madness now and maybe you’ll have a nice 9-7 season.  Then you can hang out with all your Giants fan buddies and enjoy watching another playoff run.  At least your city gets to have a parade right?  Some people just don’t get it.  Just another sad, sad day for Jets fans…

ARod 1 : No Refund Policy 0

Fuckin ARod.  Taking on the no return policy and not backing down.  Who else but Alex Rodriguez would step up here?  Just because some pathetic Bowery boutique with a name like 'Blue and Cream' is making waves doesn't mean it's right.  I'm 100% positive they weren't talking about their shitty no refund policy when he whipped out his AMEX Black card and broke the bank on their ugly ass clothes.  I'd even bet they were tossing as much shit in the bag as possible when he wasn't looking.  Listen,  the only reason this joint even has a no refund policy is because they used that money to pay the 6-month-late rent and it's long gone.   Probably bought a whole bunch of drugs too if they think this public rant is actually good for them.   Now as for Alex,  my last dollar is on this being some shitty old news; if not, he needs to get the fuck back to Tampa, tell his new PR man Reggie to tell off the Post,  and start mashing baseballs.

DJ Gets Another Day Off

Looks like DJ got scratched on today's card trying to return from his tweaked calf muscle.  Take as many days as you want Captain.  Sleep in, break out the morning after gift baskets, do whatever you need to.  Just find some better looks girls if you want to get your picture taken again.  You're better than that.

Breaking : Meredith Marakovits Replacing Kim Jones

This is a big deal.  I'm a fan.  Kim Jones was average at best.  Ms.? Marakovits will be taking over as the clubhouse reporter for the YES Network this season.  Endless hours of mindless banter and a decent smile (ok maybe not the bottom picture but still) should do her well. No doubt she pulls better post game interviews than Jones right out of the gate.  Jones, who was near the end of her HiDef rope in the first place, never really delivered on that front.  Props to YES for stepping up to the plate after watching NESN kick it up a gear as well.  Let the games begin.

Pineda takes the Hill : VELO Talk Needs to Stop

Michael Pineda takes the mound again tonight.  Right now it's projected that DJ, Swish, and Cano will also be in the lineup after returning from minor injuries.  Fairly standard day in Yankee land with the exception of all the talk about Pineda's lost VELO.  what. the. hell. is velo? Yankees geek writers are really hammering this term home right now and it needs to stop this very moment before it proliferates.  I dont get it.  Does it hurt to type 'city'?  Are the extra four letters really causing carpel tunnel?  VELO is the worst shortening of a sports term I've heard in a while.  Write the damn word people.  And for the love of all things baseball never use it in spoken tongue again.  Now that we have that out of the way, lets hope Pineda lights up the Pirates tonight and we maybe get a cameo of good ol' AJ in a eye patch.  That would be a good day.

So Long Aaron Ross

Looks like Aaron Ross is heading to Jacksonville.  With the resigning of Terrell Thomas I cant say I really see this as a big deal.  It's time for Prince A. to step up and earn his place.  Naturally, there are concerns about Thomas' knee and Prince's foot, but we still have a ways to go before training camp.  At the end of the day, Aaron Ross is a 2x Super Bowl Champion with the NY Giants and never seemed to get himself into trouble.  Can't really say anything bad about the former first rounder except for maybe wanting more out of him. 

Miguel Cabrera Duffs Face

Hows 3rd base working for you bro?  I bet you were all excited to get back over to that hot corner and have your own bash brother buddy Prince Fielder on the other side of the field.  Anything you can do to win right?  Wrong.  You can flat out rake, but moving you to 3rd base is not going to play out well.  1)  You're built like a semi 2)  You haven't played there since I was in Little League 3)  You just duffed your face so badly you're going to have to drink an extra 3 bottles of Jack on your ride home from the ball park just to ease the pain.

Start thinking about getting back over to first base or everyones favorite fleet footed friend Brett Gardner is going to make a living bunting the ball down the line and watching you waddle after it while he's already taking a lead and thinking about stealing second.  I love when clubs go out and make flat out bad decisions.  Makes life so easy.  Keep up the good work in Detroit!

Peyton to Denver: Everybody Wins (Including NY)

Guys like Peyton Manning never hit free agency, but when they do it sends a shock throughout the sports world.  In this case, I think everyone wins.

Peyton will go to work in the relatively easy AFC West, playing the Chargers, Raiders, and Chiefs throughout the season.  He stays away from his brother (win #1) and from a direct rival (San Francisco – Win #2)  He also significantly impacts the Niners off season situation.

Fortunately this decision makes yesterday’s Super Mario post look decent.  Apparently Alex Smith is in heavy talks with the Dolphins, and the Niners are in trouble under center.  Honestly, Jim Harbaugh looks like the sophomore rush chair who couldn’t get over that one rough night last semester (in this case, the NFC Championship).  Peyton was the key to his perfect passing attack and future wide out class.  He recruited attitude, he brought in steady guys, but he bet the house on Peyton and completely flopped.  Now, even his own mediocre starter might bail on him.  Direct or indirect, this is a win for the Giants. 

Mets Settle for $162MM Confirming they will suck indefinitely

You've gotta be kidding me if you dont think that number wasn't reached based on the number of games in a baseball season.  Not $160mm, Not $163mm.  $162mm.  That is atrocious.  This essentially will bleed the Mets dry over the next 5-6 years and they will officially be the worst team in the NL East.  This really is unfortunate.  If the Wilpons want to do the right thing they will SELL SELL SELL.  That's the only way the Mets are going to contend with the Phillies, Braves, and the newly minted Miami Marlins.  I like a quality Subway Series.  Dickey, Pelfrey, aging Santana, and a battered David Wright just don't cut it.  Do the right thing Fred, sell to David Einhorn and keep a private box for your family indefinitely.  A small percentage of NYers are suffering because of you and the rest are quietly laughing about your plight.

Breathe Easy : Robbie Cano is OK

......and Exhale.  Robinson Cano's XRays came back negative.  I'll be honest I was nervous about this one.  Didn't exactly sleep well knowing he took one off the hand while swinging.  That's gotta sting.  Time to break out the ice and take a couple days off Robbie.  Don't rush back either.  Go work on your tan.  Watch some video.  Try to pitch a perfect game in MLB 2K12.  Just don't swing a bat for a couple days.  You've got 25 days till the all important home opener.

Note to NY Beat Writers: Back Off Mo for the Love of God

"I got a question for you guys,'' he said to the crowd of reporters around his locker. "It seems to me like you guys want me to retire. Am I wrong or am I right?''

Here we go again.  When will beat writers ever get it?  I don't understand how breaking a story has become more important than the content within.  I know you have tough jobs.  Sticking microphones in the faces of half naked athletes or guys who would rather just go home to their WAGs can be tough.  I also understand you're a necessary evil.  I want my news, and I want it now damnit.  Therefore - you exist.  Here's a perfect situation where you need to go away.  Its SPRING TRAINING.  Mo has been flawless in every appearance.  Shattering bats and basically keeping Metallica cool and passing their music on to a whole new generation.  Stop asking him about retirement.  I'm pretty sure a guy with ice in his veins is going to tell you at the exact moment when he's ready to hang em up. A moment he has undoubtedly already decided on.  He is way too smart to give you any more information.  Move on to the pitching situation. See how Reggie Jackson is feeling these days.  Dave Robertson definitely has to have something funny to say about stairs and empty boxes.  I'm sure even Yogi's still got a great one liner for you.

Here are the new rules:  Rule #1.  Don't talk to Mo about retirement.  Rule #2.  Dont talk to Mo about retirement.  Rule #3.  If anyone talks to Mo about retirement, please proceed to beat him senseless.  

So Long Super Mario

Lets set the record straight.  This blog is first and foremost dedicated to the NY Yankees.  That doesn't mean it's not important to post about the other great sports franchise in the Tri-State Area: The New York Football GIANTS.  And this news is worth noting.

Sounds like Super Mario is set on a 2 year deal with the SF 49ers, capping an impressive wide receiver bender by the west coast team's front office.  The Niners now have Randy Moss, Michael Crabtree,  Mario Manningham, and Vernon Davis lining up.  I know I said you can never have enough pitching just yesterday, but here I think too much of a good thing can be bad.  Randy Moss is no spring chicken and we all know how great he is in the locker room.  Crabtree isn't exactly known as an angel either (see Rookie holdout debacle).  Plus we're forgetting the 800 lb gorilla in the room.  If Peyton Manning avoids the Bay Area, they still have Alex Smith throwing them the ball.  That's a lot of ego running routes and I, unfortunately, don't think Alex is the answer.  Props to Jim Harbaugh though.  He's going to have his hands full trying to keep this crew happy.

It's time to thank Mario for the memories and one of the best Super Bowl catches of all time.  You've officially earned your "I single handedly made every New England sports fans lives miserable badge" and for that, I salute you.  Unfortunately, sometimes the dark side of the force is simply too strong.  See you in the playoffs.  That's about all I have to say about that.