Pineda Needs to Channel Inner Lattimer

ESPN Insider
I really don't know what's going on with Michael Pineda right now.  Dude got lit up last night and was basically lifeless on the mound.  I'm pretty sure Ryan Howard could have gone 4 for 4 against him on one leg.  Afterward, he nearly broke down in tears when referencing himself in the third person as the 'same Michael Pineda.'  Obviously, he's not and he broke rule #1: There is no crying in baseball. This kid needs to get his shit together.  It is remarkable that any professional athlete could think that showing up 10 to 15 lbs heavier to camp could possibly be a good thing.  The only acceptable weight gain in sports is when you go all Steve Lattimer from The Program and show up throwing fastballs that catch fire before they reach home plate.  Phil Hughes packed on the pudge last year, and now Pineda is probably going to be on the shelf or in AAA for the same reason.  Fortunately, Hughes learned his lesson.  Now Pineda is probably going to waste an entire year fixing his fat ass. Obviously young athletes not named Derek Jeter can't handle themselves in NYC.  If I was 23 and could throw  96 MPH for the Yankees, here's what I would do immediately.  1) Get a smokeshow personal trainer 2) Spend days in the gym 3) Hire a smokeshow personal chef and eat salad and shit 4) Not eat dinner with CC Sabathia 5) Show up to spring training throwing 97.  5 simple steps, and I'm signing 80 to 100 million dollar contracts by the time I turn 27.  Then I can refocus on getting fat, old, and slow (which is actually real life).  So get your shit together Michael - and this city will love you for it.

BOOM : Aint that Pretty?

NY Post
Aint that Fresh??  Ring of Blue Diamonds or whatever they are is just perfect.  Clint Sintim (no-name who didn't play all year) leaked a couple images of these beauties and they hit the internet machine like wildfire.  This is a real gem though.  Homage to the 4 SB wins, great looking logo, and that circle of Big Blue perfection.  If any teams need lessons in designing rings, they should swing through the Meadowlands. Pretty sure they've got some experience on that front now.  Part of me also wishes someone would punch Rex Ryan in the dome just like Ace Ventura so he shuts up.  How many trophies you got up there Rexxy?  4 bitch!  At the same time, which SB trophy actually represents this year?  Pretty confident the top two are the last 2 for KOing an arrogant, overrated rival, but thats just my opinion...

Ex Yank Carl Pavano Extorted

MyRecordJournal via NY Post
Former Yankee (if you're even willing to call him that) Carl Pavano is apparently being extorted by a former HS Classmate alleging that the two had a physical relationship in HS. Here's the kicker : It's a guy.  It's one thing to be a total bust in pinstripes and having an entire city essentially hate you, it's a whole different world when your buddy from high school is calling you out for being gay.  Things were going pretty well for ol' Carl, after basically rebuilding his career after being a total loser in the Bronx, Pavano just married the smoke in the picture above this year.  Pretty sure he's the ace in Minnesota as well.  To see this come out of the woodwork is just ridiculous.  Being Carl Pavano sucks.  Who the fuck comes out of the closet for a Navy Range Rover anyway?  At the end of the day, it looks like the Bedard guy is a total weirdo with a pretty shady background.  As much as I hated Carl Pavano when he was in NY, I do enjoy watching the Yankees put up 8 runs in 5 innings every time he pitches.  Good luck with this one Carl.

3 for 2 : Who Ya Got?

Assuming all speculation is correct and Phil Hughes has locked up spot #3 in the rotation, but not necessarily #3 in order, there are now 3 spots for 2 people.  The NY POST has Freddy Garcia wrapping up a spot while the Daily News seems to have him going to the bullpen.  Toss in Andy Pettitte's slated May 1 return and we've got ourselves a pickle.  Granted, its a good pickle, but a pickle nonetheless.  I've been all for Freddy going to the pen based on his age and wanting the motivated younger guys to step it up.  That said, who the hell knows.  Which is why I'll leave this to a vote.  Vote 1 for Freddy going to the pen.  Vote 2 for Pineda to the pen or minors, and 3 for Nova to the pen.  For now leave a comment.  If I can figure out how to get this vote shit working on blogspot, I'll update it.

So Long Devin Thomas

 ESPN NY
Devin Thomas is off to Chicago.  He'll forever be known for the fumble recovery that set up the field goal to send the Niners packing for the off season.  The former second rounder was a good special teams player, but never did much on offense.  Not a big loss here, but since I've started writing I've only written 'So Long' posts and cursed out Brandon Jacobs for generally being stupid and not making up his mentally challenged mind on where he wanted to play.  There are a couple other Giants out shopping around in Free Agency, but hopefully some of them make the intelligent decision and re-up with the Super Bowl Champs. I'm also hoping we see some front office excitement heading into the draft around a new TE, RB, or some help at LB.  I'll get into into potential picks in the coming weeks, so stay tuned.

Coughlin Cracking Me Up

Add Tom Coughlin to the list of Giants making backhanded remarks about the NY Jets. Definitely puts a smile on my face on a freezing cold Wednesday.  I mean,  when Tom Coughlin is shredding your team without actually shredding your team you definitely have problems. Just stating the obvious about the wildcat being the worst offense in NFL history and having 1 developed QB on the field at one time.   Interesting comments on Jacobs as well.  Tommy C. always liked Jacobs and Jacobs was the perfect dickhead in some situations where Coughlin just wasn't.  Someone had to tell Rex he was overweight, and Jacob's did. Someone's gotta yell at doushey opposing fans to stir the pot and Jacobs did. Bring back Jacobs for pennies on the dollar and he's worth every single soundbit and maybe even a couple of goal line carries.

UPDATE: Jacobs is a 49er?  Now Jim Harbaugh is officially taking this personally.  You want to play like that Jacobs?  Fine.  You're old and slow as shit.  You stutter step at the line and its obvious you don't like to truck people anymore.  You run out of gas midseason and the only thing still running hot is your mouth.  Have fun competing with Randy Moss for the roll of 'Over the Hill Pain in the Ass.'

Also, saw one of these walking through Grand Central today.  Thought it was @KFCBarstool from Barstoolsports.com for a second.  Then I saw how skinny he was.  Anyway, I'm pretty sure this thing is made specifically for people looking to keep their virginity.  Wait - maybe it was KFC?

Cashman Could Ya Be a Little More Positive?

Joba Chamberlain just laid his heart out there and addressed the media following his freak accident last week and I guess Brian Cashman has already weighed in on it.  Seriously, it wouldn't kill this guy to say something a bit more positive.  Your player's life is literally in shambles and you're reiterating facts. Not quite sure why you're speaking in the first place?

Anyway, the place Joba got hurt at sorta looks like the place in the picture above.  Are you kidding me?  Kids in helmets, bouncing off the walls, throwing balls at each other and doing flips and shit.  This is a nightmare.  Joba went into a warzone and came out a casuality.  I'm almost glad the only thing he did was separate his ankle.  Him and Forrest Gump are the lucky ones.  Still pulling for the big fella to get better, but the end of the day, we still have David Robertson, Rafael Soriano, and the #1 closer of all time.  Joba would be icing on the cake.

Giants Get Dallas in Season Opener

Fine Bro - You can hold my MVP Trophy...

Feels like the GIANTS won the Super Bowl just yesterday doesn't it?  Honestly couldn't have picked a better in-division opponent to embarrass on the opening night of the NFL season in front of millions than the Dallas Cowboys.  Here's why: 1) the Cowboys LOVE losing in dramatic fashion on national TV  2) JPP and Justin Tuck get to mangle Tony Romo, which is likeable by everyone watching on national TV 3)  Eli Manning can stick it to the other rotund Ryan brother on national TV and finally 4)  We all get to see Jerry Jones' classic 'oh shit not again...' look of disgust from the sideline when his team's down 3 scores at the half....on national TV.  Guarantee Roger Goodell had the exact same thoughts right after he finished slaughtering the Saints organization. I mean, at this point it's pretty much universally known people like watching the Cowboys lose.

PS - Defending Super Bowl Champs have won 12 straight season openers.  Suck it Romo.

Weighing In : Yankees Rotation

ESPN NY
It's been a damn 'he said - she said' circus all morning with respect to the Yankees rotation.  ESPN NY firmly believes Michael Pineda should be in AAA to start the year.  Let me tell you why that's an awful idea.  If you send a 23 year old to the minors a year after he was in the running for Rookie of the Year, you could potentially ruin him.  Today's twenty-something doesn't like to take shit from anyone.  Starting spot in the Yankees rotation? - yes I deserve it.  Promotion to head cubicle monkey? - Yes please.  Bosses job? - It's about damn time.  Stick Pineda in AAA and he'll get angry, spiteful even. It's just how it is.  On the other hand, Freddy Garcia is 35.  He's broken in.  He's used to bouncing around and getting screwed over by employers on a regular basis.  Stick him in the pen, he will deal with it.  Give Pineda a chance to shine and he may or may not fail.  Dangle Garcia as trade bait to a mediocre team looking to sure up their rotation mid summer and convince them to give up more than they want.  If and when Andy Pettitte comes back, reassess the situation.  Plain and simple.

3 Spots Down 2 to Go

NY Daily News
Phil Hughes has wrapped up rotation spot number 3, leaving Ivan Nova, Michael Pineda, and Freddy Garcia to go at it for the final 2 spots while Andy Pettitte tries to get it together.  Love me some good healthy competition.  This is what should be happening in spring training.  The only guarantees in life are death and taxes.  A spot in the New York Yankees starting rotation is not a lock.  Doesn't matter if your 35 and have been around the block.  Doesn't mater if your a 23 year old phenom and certainly doesnt matter if you were the #2 starter in the playoffs last year.  Not even Andy Pettitte gets a guaranteed nod.  10 days till opening day.  May the best man win.

And hats off to Hughes.  He's been consistently above average all spring.  Seems like he's recommitted and he's been throwing darts since he got to Tampa.

UPDATE: It's being reported that this might not be official yet.  Will have to wait till Thursday.  I still expect this to hold true.  Kid deserves it.

Mara Mocks Jets : Woody Twiddles Thumbs

 ESPN NY
John Mara, class act of the NFL, uncle to Rooney and Kate, and all around don pretty much knocked Woody Johnson to the floor with a swift, sarcastic comment about today's circus show.  Little brother syndrome doesn't even justify whats up on ESPN New York right now.  Thank god (hah - pun intended) he poked fun at this situation and props to Rachel Nichols for telling Ol' Woody about it.   Johnson's response?  He wasn't as EXCITED as someone else we know.  Typical 'my big brother is definitely smarter than me and all I can do is sit here with my thumb up my ass.'  Know your role Woody, know your role.

Who'd You Rather?

 Quick poll. Who'd you rather have under center in an emergency?  Pretty sure you can figure out who Player A and Player B are immediately.  If you can't, please don't waste your time.  Also, I don't want to hear anything about rushing numbers.  When QB1 goes down, QB2 isn't going to go in and have his own offense to run based on his running ability.  He still has to throw the rock and not look like a monkey on speed.

Sox Player Steps Up : Bobby Backs Down

 Daily News
Apparently this kid Clayton Mortensen just wanted a chance to impress the powers that be.  Thursday night,  Sideshow Bobby V. got him all fired up to pitch in the biggest moment of his life like he actually cared about him, then he punted him back to minor league purgatory Friday morning.  Coach-looking-out-for-his-player 101 right there.  It doesn't end either, as Mortensen went public with his disappointment with the Yankees while Valentine reversed his tone and said he just 'isn't that annoyed' with the Yanks anymore.  Really can't make this up.

It honestly puts a big shit eating grin on my face to see these headlines coming out of Red Sox Camp right now.  Bobby V. has turned the Red Sox from wanna-be Yankees to the baseball equivalent of the NY Jets in a matter of weeks. This team is picking up right where they left off and Bobby is tossing gasoline on the fire.  From KFC and beers in the clubhouse, on to snitching on those eating and drinking said KFC and beers in the clubhouse, to never publicly accepting ownership for last years failures, then diving straight into to a new coach already arguing with the GM, calling out his biggest rival and future HOF players, and then not defending people within his own organization after they come out swinging. Anyone talking about the Red Sox winning?  Nope.  I really hope this is only the start of a good public downward spiral.   Always love a good Boston meltdown.  Keep it up!

David Carr Re-Signs : No Press Conference Needed

 The Giants brought back David Carr for another year.  When this broke this week I didn't think it was worth mentioning.  Then I realized that this is absolutely worth mentioning for a number of reasons.  1) There is no scheduled press conference.  2) A helicopter did not follow him from the airport.  3) Underwear companies did not begin assembly of billboards at the entrance to one of the most densely trafficked tunnels on earth.  4) Nobody speculated he would take over Eli Manning's job.  5) He will not be responsible for magically healing a fractured lockeroom and nobody will ever post pictures while 'CARRING'.    He will, however, do his job as a solid backup.   A job that he's done well for years now with the Giants.  I'm happy about this one.  David Carr has plenty of career starts and a has a great work ethic.  He got the short end of the stick in Houston, getting sacked all over the field with absolutely no protection.  He's happy in his role, happy to be a Giant, and is more than capable of managing a game and even moving the ball down the field should he be called on.  Welcome back David, and thanks for not requiring a media circus to announce your re-signing.  Glad to have you around.