Someone Shut Up Bobby Valentine

 "Bobby Valentine meant no disrespect to Andy Pettitte, but he chuckled at the suggestion that the longtime Yankees lefty's decision yesterday to come out of retirement will have a profound effect on the American League East. "I don't think he's coming back to where he was," Valentine said. "Call it a hunch." Pettitte, who turns 40 in June, retired before last season and hasn't pitched since 2010 when he went 11-3 with a 3.28 ERA in 21 starts. He signed a minor league deal worth $2.5 million and is expected to report to the Yankees' camp by Tuesday. "Is he going to be a starter or just pick people off?" Valentine said, referring to Pettitte's tricky pickoff move. "I thought they had too much"


Bobby Valentine is the rock in your shoe that's annoying but not quite annoying enough to take off your damn shoe and fix it. It's just not worth it.  Really, this guy's gotta stop.  Respected him as an analyst and now hate him as a coach.  Again.  It's very conceivable the Sox could be a 3rd or even 4th place team in the AL East if Toronto gets it together and Bobby is still running his mouth like they are defending a World Series title and are an AL favorite.  This guy wishes he had the pitching depth the Yankees do.  162 games to go Bobby.   Looking forward to your season ending press conference in September when you officially throw your own players and organization under the bus because, clearly, it couldn't have been your own fault.

Welcome Back Andy

The Boss must have called up Cash from the grave and let him have it.  First for taking on an ugly mistress.  Second for letting his sons go el-cheapo on the payroll. And finally for keeping the door open on a fifth starter spot that nobody seems to want.  What’s the result?  Mr. 240 Careers Wins ANDY PETTITTE.  How do you think Phil Hughes feels now about all those twinkies he was crushing in the offseason?  Sorry bud you had your chance.  Personally, I love this move. Nothing but upside here.  Andy Pettite is a workhorse, a winner, and a proven champion.  Three things in short supply these days.   Plus you can NEVER have enough quality pitching.  A $2.5mm/1 year deal for the man known best for sticking a fork in the top American League team’s seasons come October is a move the Boss would make.  A classic ‘No looking back, win NOW’ mindset.  Now let’s get Hughes in the pen so he can kick that fastball into high gear and Andy will set up CC in what’s arguably (still) one of the top lefty-lefty punches in the game.  Don't think for one second Jorge isn't laughing off Raul Ibanez’s horrendous .077 spring batting average either.  I just hope he’s staying in shape because I heard the Core 4 is making a full-fledged comeback.  So swing a bat Jorge.  The band is getting back together for one last show.

Swisher Time

1)      World Series Ring – Check

2)      Funny, Hot Wife – Check

3)      King of the Bleacher Creature Roll Call – Check

4)      Great Clubhouse Guy – Check

Nick Swishers got a ton going for him.  New York has literally taken this man under it’s wing and watched him become a staple in pinstripes.  He has gone from MLB goofball to man in a matter of years.   I know, I know, his postseason stats are awful.  But this guy’s got IT.  This is a contract year and I’m betting the bank that he puts it all together and has his first .290 30 HR season with OPS through the roof. You heard it here first.  First, he shows up to camp 10 lbs lighter by not eating Chipotle.  That’s a good start.  Then he does an article in the Wall Street Journal.  If he can please the bleacher creatures with his perfect salute and snag a piece in the Journal, he’s ready to have a banner season.  So Get it Done Swish, we’re counting on you.  And get your wife out the game more often; I’m sick of seeing ARod’s disgusting mangirlfriend of the week stealing all the cameo shots.

DJ3K Has a Strained Calf

Looks like El Capitan will spend the next week or so lounging around his mega mansion nursing a sore calf muscle.  Shit happens at 37.  We all know he was lights out after a muscle strain last year.  Listen if you’re any bit concerned about this you might as well go jump on the Mets losing band wagon.  DJ will be on the field opening day, doing exactly what he does best:  Winning.  Queue Red Sox haters and Mets fans.

Michael Pineda Needs to Lock It Up

So Michael Pineda just said he’s a little scared about playing in the boogey down Bronx.  This guy needs to lock it up.  Talk to Andy P, give Jorge a call (we know he’s sitting by the phone), or chat up any one of the dozen Hall of Famers roaming around Steinbrenner field about how shit gets done here.  For christ’s sake, whatever you do, don’t go to the NY media and proclaim yourself ‘a little scared’.  What you need to do is break out the shake weight and get on weight watchers.  That way when you’re throwing 96 mph fire again and aren’t in competition with CC for who has the most stripes on their uniform you won’t have to answer to anybody.  By the way, your changeup still needs work.  Welcome to NY.